Gigi: - has joined the chat -

  Shamim: Thanks Andrea, I have over 8 year of experience working with families and children in foster care. I specifically worked for 5 years with children transitioning the system with the Independent Living Program through DFCS

  Shamim: I am currently working with Bethany with children of various ages

  andreas: Shamim, are there common issues adopted teens have?

  Shamim: I think the most common thing I hear from parents is a lack of maturity.

  Shamim: Parents come with expectations of their teens that their children are unable to live up to due to trauma they experienced early in their lives.

  andreas: That would be regardless of adopted or not, right?

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  Shamim: I think that it is a common problem of children who have experience trauma. For adopted teens, adolescence is a time of identity formation and being adopted can impact their ability to go through this stage sucessfully

  Gigi: A parent that I work with has been having a big problem with anger. What type of anger management would you recomend?

  Shamim: Anger is very normal. It depends on the severity of the anger.

  Shamim: Setting limits is important

  Shamim: Teens need to know the boundaries they have in expressing that anger and the consequences if they cross the boundary

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  andreas: Are we talking about anger in the parent or anger in the child?

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  Shamim: anger in the child.

  andreas: Gigi?

  Gigi: Sorry, I got knocked off. It's the child.

  Shamim: What are some of your families dealing with in the regions that you work with?

  andreas: Lots of attachment issues

  Gigi: Anger with birth parents, self blame for sepreation from birth parents.

  andreas: Similar issues, huh?

  Shamim: For sure! It is difficult as a parent to seperate normal adolescent development from issues from the childs past. It takes years to over come most of these issues.

  Shamim: A relationship with a GOOD therapist is key.

  andreas: What determines a GOOD therapist?

  Shamim: Although it can be hard to find someone the teen trusts enough to open up to

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  Shamim: I always look at the basics. Is this person meeting my need. If I am going to them and things are NOT getting better and they don't have a plan or strategy then that therapist is not GOOD for me.

  Shamim: very specific

  Shamim: You should be as comfortable with your therapist as you are at your church or at doctor. The relationship and trust you put in that person is important and a good therapist for me, may not be the one for you. I always recommend people make changes if their therapists methods are not working.

  Shamim: Teen who have been in the system for a while have been in therapy and often times won't be comfortable. It is up to the parent to ensure that the therapist is providing a positive service for their teen and that some good clinical work is being done.

  andreas: What determines a developmental issue from an adoption related teen issue?

  Shamim: For adolescents, going out into the world and attaching to peers becomes more important. For many adopted teens, this may not happen and adopted parents have to teach this skill by fostering opportunities for their teen to interact with peers their age. This typically takes the form of organized sports or church activities. Adopted teen who are behind on this issue may shun interactions at school because they do not know how to make friends with peers and behave like children their age.

  Shamim: Many make friend with younger children and fall further behind on this task.

  andreas: So the ATEAM sounds like a very good idea for adopted teens.

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  chatadmin: What type of stadegies have you used that have helped parents during these challeging time?

  Shamim: Its a great idea. It forces them to interact with peers their age and has the added benefit of fostering a positve identity because adoption is positive.

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  Shamim: The most beneficial stategy has been Active listening. Children need to feel that they are heard and Parents assume that when childrne are older, their need for attention lessens. It actually increases.

  Shamim: Getting parents to spend one on one time engaging in activities that teen enjoys has helped many of the families I worked with to strenghthen their bonds and open the lines of communication

  Shamim: This is sometimes hard when you have a teen who is really stuggling with anger or oppositional issues. Family meetings with a counselor have proved beneficial to get the family on the same page and get underlying issues discussed.

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  andreas: Shamim, for parents FYI, ATEAM phone #s are Bryan Harris ---706-543-4092 or Chris Greer--770-614-9329.

  andreas: Also, contact the GA Center for Adoption Resources & Support.

  Shamim: Also for parent who are interested in adopting children 14 and over , they are eligible to participate in the Independent Living Program. This should be done prior to finalization and the teen can continue to participate. It is a great program that assists children with careers, educations and training and helps with fees and tuition.

  Shamim: It also provides a great opportunity to interact with peers

  andreas: How often & where does it meet?

  Shamim: It varies by the area. Much like regional coordinators for the Adoption Resource center, DFCS has coordinators for each area of GA. It would be important that the child is referred first from their legal county prior to finalization.

  andreas: Any pearls of wisdom for the parent who feels at the end of her/his rope?

  Shamim: Much Prayer. And to know that teens do grow up and this too shall pass. We work hard and parent and most of it gets through eventually.

  Shamim: Most of the guidance and positive parenting gets through eventually

  andreas: Parenting with Pizzazz--really good video by the Horizons Institute

  andreas: Parents, any books or videos that have been particularly helpful?

  andreas: Shamim, any recommendations?

  Kim: parenting with love and logic is a good start.

  Shamim: Unplugging Power Struggles is one I have recommended before, I hesitate to mention any because I am unsure of the author.

  Shamim: Positive Parenting.

  andreas: Any final questions? We have just a couple of minutes left.

  chatadmin: Just a reminder if you would take a few moments before signing off to complete the chat survey..thankyou..

  andreas: Where is the chat survey located, chatadmin?

  cindy: thank you it was excellent

  Gigi: Shamim, thank you for your time.

  andreas: Thank you, Shamim. Very good info!

  chatadmin: You all click on the chat icon at the top of the home page and pull it down,