Jan Zagoria: Thank you. I welcome your questions,

  judy: Do you think an adoptee should see a therapist to prepare for meeting their birth parents?

  Jan Zagoria: Because being an adoptee is very special and requires special understanding, guidance, and support, I believe that all adoptees and their adoptive parents should meet with a therapist and especially if preparing for meeting birth parents.

  judy: As a child is approaching adulthood and their goal to to meet their birthparents, at what point should this therapy begin?

  Veda: - has joined the chat -

  Jan Zagoria: There is no one correct time. It would be determined by when the adoptee and parents begin to feel the need for help and support. That could begin at an early age or perhaps in the teen years and anytime in between. But certainly there should be a focus on therapy if a meeting with birth parent{s} is coming. Because so often the meeting has negative affects, therapy would continue to help the adoptee deal with disappointments and feelings of loss or confusion.

  judy: How do you suggest helping the child deal with the confusion of who their parents really are? (birth or adopted)

  Veda: Jan, what is your experience with adoptees; siblings of adoptees; birth parent(s)

  Jan Zagoria: I have worked with adoptees and their adopted families for eighteen years.

  Jan Zagoria: I do not work with birth parents.

  Shannon H: - has joined the chat -

  Shannon H: What is the most important thing you can share with them in preparation for the meeting?

  Jan Zagoria: The adoptive parents who provide a loving, safe, supportive home have planted the seeds that will grow into the knowledge possessed by their adopted child that they are the "real" parent. The best possible relationship with an adoptee and their birth parent can never rival that of the one established by the adoptive parent who has been there for the child. I help my adoptee clients clarify and understand what a real parent is.

  Jan Zagoria: Shannon, I stress over and over and over to my clients that this is someone who gave them up. That leaves them little or no hope of a warm, happy ever-after relationship. I want them to have absolutely NO hope for a "great relationship" because it so rarely happens. The last thing we want to happen is for them to feel abandoned again. So if there is a happy ending-great. But we don't expect it.

  Shannon H: Have you seen any positive endings for birth parents making an adoption plan for their child?

  Shannon H: I mean after reunification?

  Jan Zagoria: I'm not sure if you are asking about the birth parents or the adoptees?

  Shannon H: Basically the adoptee, since i realize this is the focus of your practice.

  Judy: - has joined the chat -

  Shannon H: Really what i am asking is, even though you don't encourage this result, have you witnessed happy endings with any cases?

  Jan Zagoria: I believe that every adoptee has the right to know their history. This can be particularly important with medical history of the birth parents. It is a very positive event when an adoptee receives this information. I have had clients who have ongoing relationships with the birth parents but most of those relationships are somewhat problematic. The most positive result Iwhich my clients have experienced is meeting and developing relationships with birth-siblings. It also seems to give a measure of peace to adoptees to finally know the truth.

  Veda: Do you continue to meet with the Adopted person after they meet their birth parent/family to process the meeting(s)?

  Jan Zagoria: Absolutely!! That is a very critical time for the adoptee. Their feeling can run the gamut from extreme sadness to euphoria. I'm there to help them with dealing with the limitless number of issues that may be coming up.

  Judy: How can a adoptee find a therapist that specializes in adoption issues. Is there some type of certification or registry?

  Jan Zagoria: I don't know of a registrey or certification. I never planned to have this specialty. It isn't one that is offered in school. It started for me eighteen years ago when a young woman asked me to help her. I have learned a lot and find myself championing the cause of adoptees.

  Jan Zagoria: My adoptee clients found me through one of the adoption websites. I don't know which one.

  Judy: At what age do you think an adoptee is ready to begin the search and reunion process?

  Shannon H: What are their ideas about why an adoption plan was made for them and what do you tell them about this in terms of the reasons it might have occurred?

  Jan Zagoria: The adoption registers require one be 21 yrs. old. I completely agree with that age as the very earliest. The search and find can be extremely stressful and traumatic. The adoptee needs to be mature, stable and have adoptive family and theraputic support.

  Judy: Do we have any last minute questions for Jan?

  Jan Zagoria: Shannon, Everyone who is an adoptee probably has a different idea of why they were given up for adoption. If my client finds the birth parent, they have the right to have them answer that question.. I don't give any reasons for why...

  Judy: Jan thank you for sharing with us tonight. It has been very informative. Goodnight everyone.