Post-placement_Issues_in_Eastern_European

The opinions and statements made in this chat session belong to the individuals posting them and appear in unedited form to promote the free exchange of information. However, they may not represent the views and/or policies of the Georgia Center for Resources and Support.

Shannon H: One of the first questions involves the transitional phase.What are some of the things families can do to ease transition?

DianeS: The key thing is to keep things simple and not overwhelm the child with gifts, visitors, etc.

Shannon H: So a large group meeting the family at the airport might not be the best choice, right?

DianeS: Also, while we as parents are thrilled that our child is finally home, the child may be completly overwhelmed.

chatadmin: Simple must be hard for families to do in all the excitement. Even our "simple" is a lot for a child use to nothing.

DianeS: As for the airport, it makes great video for the child as they get older and captures those first moments. We did it both ways and I regret we didn't have more people there for the second.

Shannon H: You have three children. How old were they when they joined your family and did you see similarities in their reaction to the changes in thier lives.

DianeS: Our children were 6 months, 13 months and 4 years at adoption. The 6 month old did fantastic with transition, the 13 month old had more difficulties with sleeping and being held and the four year old had great difficulty with transition. Keep in mind that all children will respond differently depending on what they've experienced and even their own personality

Shannon H: What do you think are some of the "normal" for lack of a better word, issues in adjustment/attachment?

chatadmin: do Atlanta area folks ever get a translator to help? Any thoughts on doing this?

DianeS: We have had families employ translators or housekeepers who spoke the child's language. I think it's a good idea especially with older children.

DianeS: One thing with attachment/adjustment is to really try to keep in mind the child's developmental age versus their chronological age. There may be behaviors that are perfectly normal based on the developmental age of the child

andreas: What advice would you give parents who think they might want to adopt from another country?

DianeS: The best advice I could offer is to research the country you are interested in adopting from and to talk with as many post adoptive parents as possible who have adopted from that country.

chatadmin: Are there support groups in the area? and other places in Georgia?

DianeS: For country choice, different factors vary in importance to different individuals (i.e., length of trip, cost, ethnicity, how long the process is, etc.)

andreas: Back to adjustment/age, does culture also factor in there? How can a parent blend the old and new cultures?

DianeS: I choose Russia based on the speed of adoption to be honest. I had waited over a year for a domestic adoption and had struggled with secondary infertility of 7 years and was thru waiting

DianeS: My friend and business associate Mary Jane has joined me at my computer. She is an adoptive mom of 3 children from Kazakhstan and has helped numerous families adopt from Kaz

lisa s: When you arrived in Russia to take your child home, was there anything that was not as it was suppose to be? How long before you could return to the states?

DianeS: As for culture, I'm not sure I can provide an adequate answer on that. However, new sights, smells, language will certainly have some effect

Shannon H: What support groups are available for those families who have adopted from a certain country and just want to meet others with similar experiences?

DianeS: Yes, both of my referrals fell through in Russia and we met and adopted our daughter and son while in country. I adopted in 1997 and was there 5 days and again in 1998 and was in country for 9 days

DianeS: We have an on-line Egroup at Yahoo for families who have or are adopting from Eastern Europe, there is also a large group Families with Children from China Atlanta, Families of Children from Vietnam and a domestic/international group called ASONG, some agencies may also have local support networks

andreas: What has been the greatest challenge your children have encountered?

Shannon H: On May 31, Region 4 will be hosting a mini-conference, inviting any family who has an interest in becoming part of a South Atlanta support group.

DianeS: My daughter age 4 at adoption was diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder and ADHD and my son has FAS. The greatest challenges for my daughter have been in the areas of bonding and behavior. I am thrilled to report that at this time she is doing FANTASTIC!

lisa s: Was the 4 yr. old in an orphanage since birth..please let me know if I am getting too personal.

DianeS:

We were told she was in the orphange since birth, but have received conflicting information from our agency on that subject. I appreciate your asking about getting to personal

chatadmin: What therapy do you recommend for children with these special problems?

DianeS: I'm not a big advocate of holding therapy only because it's something I'm personally not comfortable with. We did a lot of play therapy and I also did therapy on my own. The honest truth is, the therapy did more for me than my daughter. In other words, it helped me to understand and relate to her in a different way therefore allowing me to respond to her more positively and lovingly

Shannon H: Any special issues popping up with the oldest? Ten becomes the age of personalization, but have you noticed him going through anything especially difficult that maybe the 16 year old didn't experience?

chatadmin: Welcome Magda, you can read the chat log at the top of the page to "catch up" on what has been said.

DianeS: Actually, my daughter age 10, has made great improvements over the past 9 months. The thing I am seeing with her now is that she seems to be trying to figure out the whole adoption thing. Also, it won't be long until that dreaded Puberty hits

magda: Thanks I, am a therpist trained to work with children withRAD. I speak Russian and Georgian. The only therapy that works is Attchment Therapy plus little of playtherapy .

Shannon H: Are you familiar with any particular search issues? I am curious if any of your children have mentioned this.

chatadmin: Diane, what are the services of "Journey Home" that might be helpful for post-adoptive parents?

lisa s: Your children are young, but have they mentioned wanting to return to Russia to search for birth parents?

magda: I too feel not very comfortable with holding therapy used in the sense of rage reduction. have you tried cradling?

DianeS: We provide assistance to post adoptive families who are experiencing difficulties with transition through educational materials and referrals. Also, we just lend them a friendly ear when they need it. Also we prepare families for the adoption process and help them with everything from country selection, agency screening to travel

Shannon H: Have you had families who have returned to Russia for their children to see their country of birth? I was wondering how that goes.

DianeS: I'm not familiar with the cradling per se, can you tell me a little about it?

chatadmin: Magda is one of the therapists that Georgia Office of Adoptions has helped arrange training for.

DianeS: Not yet, but I've heard of families returning but it seems that the child does not relate to the country as a home they left, except for maybe a child adopted older. I plan on taking my children to Russia when and IF they want to go. I absolutely fell in love with the country

lisa s: Diane, have you heard of Nancy Thomas? If so, I believe she will be in the Atlanta area in September for a seminar.

magda: the parent is "holding" the child like on his/her lap. the child is able to move he/she is in no pain. The most important use of this position is for parents and therapist s to be able to look into child's eyes as we know this children have hard time having eye contact on adult's terms. my # is 678-6410405

DianeS: Yes, her books were a saving grace to me. I am thrilled to hear she's coming to Atlanta

chatadmin: Diane, are there referral sources that Journey Home knows about that we could add to our community resources? Could someone call you about that, or is there another way families can get information about resources to help?

Shannon H: Can someone elaborate a bit more on Nancy Thomas? Sounds interesting!

chatadmin: Nancy's books are in our library, free for anyone to check out through this web site. She will be here around September 19-20.

DianeS: Nancy Thomas is Therapeutic Parenting Specialist who has an excellent book called "When Love Is Not Enough - A Guide to Parenting Children with RAD", she also has a web site

magda: I was trained by Nancy Thomas. She is one of the best at present time in US. She has written several books "when love is not enough" and Dandelion on my Pillow Butcher Knife Beneath

lisa s: Diane, you mentioned helping assist parents post adoption. What seems to be the biggest "ajustment" for parents and children who have just adopted from another country?

DianeS: Getting to know one another and defining the new roles in the family

Shannon H: What are your feelings about when to enroll a newly adopted child into school? What kind of time frame after arrival should this be approached?

DianeS: My personal feeling is that the child should stay one on one with at least one parent for at least 6 months. As for the school aged child, homeschooling is always an option at the beginning or partial days

chatadmin: Magda, can you tell us about how parents can access the attachment therapy available in Georgia? Will insurance cover it? How long is a child usually here before a family can assess the need for therapy?

lisa s: I realize there are probably a few more adjustments in international adopt. vs. domestic. However, do you believe the biggest factor in both is the age that the child is placed?

DianeS: Yes, I think the age and what life experiences the child brings into the family are huge factors

Shannon H: I have heard over and over from alarmed parents that their children deny their native language after a time of being in the U.S. Have you encountered this with your children at all, at least the one who was verbal when you got her? Many people try hard to keep the culture alive, only to be frustrated by their child's unwillingness to accommodate it. Any advice?

lisa s: What negative comments, if any, have you or your children incountered?

DianeS: Yes, our daughter would break down in tears at the beginning when anyone spoke to her in Russian. She would tense up, get angry and just cry. Now, however, she is showing interest in the Russian language and culture

magda: there are about 8 teams in Georgia that were trained by the program funded by the state. No insurance usually doen's cover it. The earlier the child is brought in the better. We do not always start therapy per se with the family. Just a little guidance and knowing the help is available is very often makes them feel comfortable and secure.

DianeS: If the child is of the same ethnicity as the parent the only people you tell.

Shannon H: Are there tutors or translators available who could teach this language? That would definitely be of interest to many families I have encountered.

DianeS: oops message cut off - the only people who will know the child is adopted are the ones you tell. My children have not experienced any negative comments thus far

DianeS: Yes, we have been working to set up Russian Language classes for both children and adults with a native Russian speaker

chatadmin: We have a few Russian speaking medical resources on our community resources list on this web site who can be of help to families with medical issues or on doing evaluations.

Shannon H: Has anyone experienced their child finding a birth parent yet? It is so much more possible with the internet being so available with all the information available.

magda: I have taught Russian at Emory and they have wonderful people working at the department. that maybe one of the sources.

chatadmin: Are the issues with children from Central Asia different, Mary Jane. Especially since they are probably more visably "adopted".

DianeS: Yes, we are noticed pretty much every where we go. That is something t consider when adoopting a child of a different ethnicity

Shannon H: Mary Jane has adopted from Asia, and is answering on Dianes line., if anyone is confused.

Shannon H: Many times, those who appear nosey are contemplating adoption themselves, but I bet you have quickly learned how to pick them out!

lisa s: I guess because I am an adoptive parent and I work in the adoption field, I always smile when I see a "blended" family.

DianeS: Yes, almost everyone is nice, it's actually older people who stare with no smile. Also, oddly, other asians stare too

Shannon H: Well, our time is nearing an end, folks, but I would like to thank Diane, Mary Jane and Magda for adding so much to this chat. I would imagine you get alot of calls about your services, and we will certainly spread the word!

lisa s: Diane, Mary Jane, and Magda...thanks. The chat has been informative.

chatadmin: I wanted to mention to watch our web calendar for special events such as support groups, Culture Camp this summer,

DianeS: Thank you for allowing us the opportunity to chat. We love to help adoptive parents because that means we helped another child have a family. Goodnight everyone!

Shannon H: There are still open spots in the Culture Camp. Please call Bethany and speak to Joyce Hayes if you are interested.

Post-placement_Issues_in_Eastern_European_Adoption

Tuesday, the 29th of April 2003