andreas: Tonight we have with us Joyce Hayes....

  andreas: supervisor of International Adoption at Bethany Christian Services.

  andreas: Joyce has worked in the area of adoption for over 20 years...

  Amy: Thank you for joining us, Joyce. Tell us how you got into the international adoption field.

  andreas: she has been at Bethany for the past 5 years, and was with Lutheran Ministries of GA for 17 years before that.

  joyceh: After having 4 birth children, my husband and I decided to adopt a son since we only had one boy. A missionary friend suggested that we adopt from Korea.

  joyceh: I believe it was because of our friends' love for the Koreans that we decided on Korea.

  Amy: Did you provide your adopted child/children much exposure to Korean culture growing up?

  joyceh: After we adopted, I knew my heart and passion was to find homes for these beautiful little one.

  joyceh: Our home had always been flavored by international. We love to cook internatioal foods just to taste of another culture and we entertained missionaries in our home.

  cindy: - has joined the chat -

  andreas: How did you help your children when other kids said unkind things about their being Korean?

  joyceh: As for exposure to Korean culture, it was more exposure to various cultures

  Amy: Did other kids say unkind things?

  Belinda: - has joined the chat -

  joyceh: Their siblings were there to "defend" them on the school bus etc and we would talk through these experiences in the home.

  TWC: - has joined the chat -

  Amy: How do Asian adopted children deal with the unlikelyhood of meeting a birth parent?

  joyceh: I believe my daughter was teased more than my son.

  joyceh: I believe Asian children do have the hope of meeting their birthparents. It is more common than you think.

  andreas: Have your children been able to meet theirs?

  joyceh: My son who is now 29 has just arrived home after spending 2-3 years living in Korea

  joyceh: Many of the adoptees who have moved back to Korea have found their birth family.

  joyceh: My children have not found their birth family but both of them have expressed a desire to meet them.

  joyceh: One of my son's friends in Korea is now living with her birth mother.

  cindy: did you go to Korea to get your children and what were their ages?

  joyceh: Our children were escorted to USA .

  TWC: How did your other children react to adopting?

  joyceh: Our son was 2 when he arrived and our daughter was 9.

  joyceh: Fortunately, all of our children were in favor of these adoptions and were very supportive of their siblings from Korea.

  andreas: what were the ages of your other children?

  joyceh: We had been foster parents for a short while .

  joyceh: We have four other children all older. Our oldest daughter was about 9 when our son arrived.

  joyceh: It ended up that both of our children from Korea were in the same grade.

  Amy: I have two birth sons and an adopted daughter and I don't think anyone thinks a thing of it - right now!?

  joyceh: What do yall think are the greatest concerns to parents adopting from Korea or China?

  TWC: Do you think there was/is any jealously from either the birth children or the adoptive children?

  Amy: Other than SARS?

  TWC: lol

  TWC: I think the children not being accepted

  Amy: I think families worry about looks, health and their child being accepted.

  cindy: learning their language and heritage

  andreas: Did you find your children's teachers to be good mediators on their behalf in adjusting?

  Parent 5: - has joined the chat -

  joyceh: I do not think there was any jealousy, any more than birth siblings.

  andreas: TWC, and Parent 5, try a color---to the right---

  andreas: Thanks

  TWC: better?

  andreas: Great!

  joyceh: I think various teachers were good mediator and some were not.

  andreas: Did you find helpful material to share with their teachers, if so what?

  cindy: Amy is Ellie in school does she have any problems there?

  joyceh: I believe we experienced one very prejudiced teacher which was very painful. \

  Amy: Elly is in Preschool and she has not experienced any problems...

  Amy: One boy did ask her older brother in Children's Chapel at church was that girl his sister and why did she look funny.

  Kim: - has joined the chat -

  joyceh: I think as long as the children are with the same group of children year after year, they do not experience prejudice.

  Amy: I must brag that he handled it beautifully (I was eavesdropping).

  joyceh: It is perhaps when children must change schools or environments that it is difficult.

  Parent 5: What did he say Amy?

  Laveda: - has joined the chat -

  Amy: He just said that yes, she's my sister and she's from Korea and gave him the "what of it?" look that only a 7 year old can give!

  andreas: He got 2 cookies that day, right,

  joyceh: I think one of the best things we can do for our children is to be friends with other international families.

  Amy: How can families in GA (not a high asian state) meet other international families?

  joyceh: This way our child can discuss with other children what they may be expereincing and practice how to answer.

  andreas: Isn't there a large Asian population around Doraville?

  joyceh: I think it is important but very difficult to become friends with Asian families. There are exceptions, of course.

  joyceh: Many of the Korean families speak only Korean and do not feel comfortable around us.

  andreas: Joyce, how did your children handle others 'exectations' toward them regarding their culture?

  TWC: Do your children speak Korean?

  joyceh: As far as meeting other international families, hopefully their adoption agency rprovides opportunities.

  joyceh: My children did not speak Korean until my son went back to live in Korea to learn the language and the culture.

  joyceh: Asian children do have expectation of them. To be extremely smart in school. To know how to act "Korean" among the Korean population.

  TWC: Does your daughter want to go to Korea?

  joyceh: My daughter, who came at age 9, has various issues but does not have a desire to move to Korea as her brother did.

  joyceh: She did attempt to locate her birth family once but to no avail.

  cindy: this is true for other nationalities, we have a large group of families from India and the parents only spoke indian which does make it hard onthe children in school, when I taught preschool it was a problems

  Amy: Are there other "post-adoption" issues that are unique to these children?

  joyceh: My daughter states her hardest years were from 5-10 grades but isn't that true for most.

  Parent 5: Ms. Hayes, do you think those years were hard because of the age that she was adopted?

  joyceh: Since my children are now adults, I am aware of the issues they must deal with as adults.

  joyceh: They are no longer thought of as Amy and Bill's child but as an Asian in America.

  Amy: How is that handled?

  joyceh: The public expects them to "be a Korean" and they do not know how to.

  bob: - has joined the chat -

  Amy: Definately not an issue we think about when adopting an infant!

  andreas: Is counseling helpful?

  joyceh: I am sure her age when adopted made it more difficult for her but I also think girls are more sensitive to social issues.

  bob: - has left the chat -

  Laveda: - has left the chat -

  joyceh: Counseling has proven somewhat helpful but not always. Unfortunately, many counselors are not trained for these issues.

  bob: - has joined the chat -

  joyceh: I believe the most helpful is a committed family who loves and accepts unconditionally as they storm through these years.

  Kim: Are there any support groups on the Internet ?

  bob: if i am looking to adopt a boy, who should i contact?

  bob: if i am looking to adopt a boy, who should i contact?

  bob: i want an african boy too

  bob: i want an african boy too

  joyceh: Not to my knowledge,

  andreas: Bob, try a color--to the right

  Parent 5: Ms. Hayes, did you ever join a support group and was it helpful?

  bob: alright

  Laveda: - has joined the chat -

  andreas: Nice, Bob!

  bob: Ms. Hayes, if I wanted to adopt an african-american little boy, who should I contact?

  joyceh: Bethany now has a yearly Culture Camp for three days where children 7-18 spend time and this really seems to meet a need for many children.

  andreas: Who can parents contact to find out about the Culture Camp?

  Belinda: - has left the chat -

  Belinda: - has joined the chat -

  joyceh: Bob, many of the agencies place infant African American boys.

  bob: what is the best age to adopt a child?

  bob: thanks ms. hayes

  joyceh: Culture Camp information is available if you call the international department at Bethany Christian Services.

  cindy: contact your local office of adoption

  Amy: Bob, you might also investigate your local DFCS!

  bob: oh, thats a good idea... thanks amy

  andreas: We have a few minutes left, are their any more questions specific to Asian children & post adoption issues?

  bob: what should you do if you have a 15 yr old chinese boy, and he is acting very rebellious

  Amy: Info on the culture camp...is it open to any Asian adopted children?

  joyceh: Yes it is open to any international adoptee.

  joyceh: I am sure that few of us understand completely what it feels like to be a minority in our family or communtiy

  joyceh: To get a better understanding of what our children go through it is a good exercise to put ourselves in that position.

  andreas: Joyce, Parent 5 had asked if you found a support group helpful...

  joyceh: Attend an event or join a group where you are the minority.

  cindy: Bob, do you feel it is a teen issue or international or an adoption issue?

  bob: international issue

  joyceh: I have found that being with other like families whether in an organized group or informally is very helpful.

  bob: international issue

  cindy: how long has he been here?

  Amy: Bob, if you think your son's issue is international adoption related and you are considering counseling, there is a great therapist in Atlanta who specializes in adoption issues and has 2 internationally adopted children.

  cindy: Bob, does he know other Asian teens?

  cindy: You might consider the ATEAM, these are teens with various back grounds yet they all have many things in common

  andreas: It is 10, we will end for tonight...

  Kim: I looked on the internet there are lots of websites I dont know if any have support groups or not.

  andreas: Thank you Joyce for sharing such good information. If you need to leave feel free..

  cindy: thank you for your information

  andreas: Those who want to stay and continue please do so.,

  Amy: Bob, if you need more information, contact the Center hosting this chat at 404-929-0401!

  joyceh: - has left the chat -

  Amy: Thank you, Joyce!

  Parent 5: Ms. Hayes, thank you for sharing your personal adoption story. I realized there were issues, I had not thought of.