AGresham: I would first like to intro everyone to Suzanne Clark 

  smclarkLPC: Hello

  stephen: - has joined the chat -

  AGresham: Suzanne Clark is a Licensed Professional Counselor 

  AGresham: She is also an adoptee and she has worked in various areas of adoptions for the past 15 years 

  Ngreen: Nanciellen has joined the chat

  AGresham: Suzanne's most recent position was with the Georgia Adoption Reunion Registry 

  AGresham: She held a position with this organization for four years 

  AGresham: Ms. Clark can you tell us about your work with the Reunion Registry? ?

  smclarkLPC: Sure.

  stephen: - has joined the chat -

  smclarkLPC: I provided services to adult adoptees, birth parents and siblings of individuals who were adopted

  smclarkLPC: We provided non identifying information to adopted persons who were over 21

  smclarkLPC: or to parents of adopted persons under 21

  AGresham: For all of those joining us 

  smclarkLPC: Actually, the age is 18, I'm sorry

  AGresham: our topic for the evening is 

  smclarkLPC: We conducted searches for adopted persons and for birth parents separated by adoption

  AGresham: Understanding a child's need to know and understand their birth families 

  cathy: - has joined the chat -

  Judy: - has joined the chat -

  AGresham: Ms. Clark 

  Judy: - has joined the chat -

  Judy: - has joined the chat -

  smclarkLPC: Yes.

  smclarkLPC: I'm here.

  AGresham: Can you tell us why it is important for children to know about birth families in adoption? ?

  cindy: - has joined the chat -

  smclarkLPC: After many years of work in this field, I realized that more and more adoptees not only wanted to know about their birthfamily, but needed to know.

  smclarkLPC: Almost without exception, every adopted person I have come in contact with has expressed a deep, sincere desire to know as much information as possible about their birth history

  chatadmin: Suzannewhat are some of the inital fears that a person searching for his/her birthfamily had `shared

  smclarkLPC: Most adopted persons are very fearful of hurting/betraying their adoptive families

  smclarkLPC: And, they are also concerned about rejection from the birth family

  smclarkLPC: or invading the birth family's life

  smclarkLPC: Adoptees are very concerned about protecting others, and not advocating for themselves

  AGresham: Ms. Clark can you tell us about the process of an adoptee searching and finding their birth family? ?

  smclarkLPC: Each state in the U.S. has a Reunion Registry that is governed by the specific laws of that state

  smclarkLPC: For the most part, each state has a website with the particulars on how to search in that state.

  AGresham: Is it a difficult process to begin for adoptees? ?

  smclarkLPC: To search, an adopted person would contact the state where their adoption was finalized

  pop-c: What is Georgia's website? ?

  smclarkLPC: Emotionally, it is difficult for many adoptees to take the first step.

  smclarkLPC: www.ga-adoptionreunion.com

  smclarkLPC: And, if you call/email the GA Registry, they can give you the phone number to any state you need

  smclarkLPC: Does anyone have any initial questions?

  smclarkLPC: o

  stephen: We will ask some questions later about the process of opening up two closed adoptions.

  smclarkLPC: I'm interested to know who is on the chat.

  smclarkLPC: ok.

  AGresham: How should an adoptee approach their adoptive parents about beginning their search? ?

  stephen: We are Stephen and Susan Adkins, parents of two daughters by adoption and a son by birth.

  smclarkLPC: If the adoptee is intitiating the conversation, they should just be up front and honest

  smclarkLPC: But, my feeling is that it is the responsibility of the adoptive parents

  smclarkLPC: to keep that line of communication open

  smclarkLPC: Many adoptive parents say that they never talk about it b/c their child never asked

  jmont46: - has joined the chat -

  Richard: We are Richard and Nancy and Ms Clark is our case worker and doing a gret job 

  Ngreen: Nanciellen foster /respite parent.

  smclarkLPC: Without question, it is on the child's mind and they are too aftraid to talk about it for fear of hurting the adoptive parent's feeling

  smclarkLPC: Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Emrich. :)

  cathy: I am an adoptive mother of two seventeen year old sons and a resource advisor.

  smclarkLPC: oops, just misspelled your name.

  smclarkLPC: Oh good. We have a lot of adoptive parents

  Judy: I am the adoptive parent of 3 boys. Do you think 21 is a good age to meet bio parents. I often wonder if it should be much earlier for one of my sons. But another son has not interest in meeting his bio parents

  pop-c: So the adoptive parents need to let it be known early that the door is opern for questions? ?

  smclarkLPC: 21 is the legal age, but very early to be able to emotionally handle the reunion

  smclarkLPC: Yes, adoptive parents need to let it be known early and repeatedly that the door is open

  smclarkLPC: That's really the key. Repetition.

  pop-c: We adopted twins when they were age 2; they are now 6 

  smclarkLPC: have you talked to them about it yet?

  smclarkLPC: It's never too early to begin age appropriate discussion about adoption

  jmont46: It is good to hear that repetition is the key as I feel like a broken record with my 21 year old. She is hesitant to meet her birth mother.

  pop-c: We have talked to them about their birth family, they know birth family exists, they know we will share information as they need to know, and as it becomes available, more as they get older. 

  cindy: I am an adopted parent of 2 girls and a boy

  smclarkLPC: It very normal for an adoptee to be hesitant. Some people aren't ready til into their 30's. But great that you're open to talking to her about it.

  Ngreen: I;nm

  pop-c: we just celebrated their 4th adoption "anniversary" -- they loved it 

  Ngreen: oops

  smclarkLPC: Adoption Anniversary. Fanatastic!

  smclarkLPC: can't spell tonight. Sorry.

  jmont46: Every year my daughter and I go to a latin resturant to celebrate the day we met in Chile. THis February will be our 21st time.

  smclarkLPC: I think it is also important for adoptive parents to confront their feelings about their child wanting to/contacting their birthfamily.

  smclarkLPC: Even if you're ok with it, it is still very scary and can make even the most self assured parentanxious

  Judy: How do suggest handling a reunion when one child wants to meet their birth parents and another does not and they are from the same biological family. I have always told my boys that we will support them in whatever they choose in this area.

  pop-c: IO think it is the adoptive parents' responsibility to support inquiries about birth family and heritage. 

  Dana Wylie: - has joined the chat -

  smclarkLPC: it is an adoptive parent's responsibility, but it doesn't mean it's an easy one. :)

  Ngreen: I don't have any adopted children but a lot of my friends and family does, and some of them have the same concerns. I think it depends on the circumstances, and timing.

  cathy: - has left the chat -

  smclarkLPC: That'd be hard if one child wanted the reunion and the other did not - probably something you'd have to make clear to birthfamiily if you went ahead with it for the first child.

  jmont46: I think each adoptee has to process their adoption in their own way. I would not want to deprive one child because the other doesn't want to do it

  smclarkLPC: It's all about being open/honest, and willing to deal with whatever happens

  cathy: - has joined the chat -

  smclarkLPC: That's where your roll as the parent is crucial, b/c you're the foundation for your child, not their birth family

  jmont46: I am ready for some shaking up in our family- my daughter seems stuck and I think finding her birth family would help her and I am very curious myself. But I have to remember that it is her journey.

  stephen: For us, we started with mostly closed adoptions and have begun to open them up as the birth parents were willing.

  smclarkLPC: I like the Latin dinner tradition. Very sweet.

  stephen: One of the birth parents is very open to this, but the other is reluctant for fear of "confusing" the child.

  stephen: Do have suggestions on ways we can aleviate any of these concerns with birthparents?

  smclarkLPC: Yes, it is your daughter's journey - just reminde her that you're there when she's ready

  smclarkLPC: All you can do is reassure the birth parent that you are there to support your child during any confusing times, but, also, I'm sure your child is very clear who the "parent" is.

  jmont46: Dpending on age- I think meeting the birth parents can clarify rather than confuse if BP has best interest of child at heart

  smclarkLPC: I agree. It really only offers answers, and doesn't add more question

  smclarkLPC: The questions are already there.

  pop-c: It is difficult and a bit scary when the birth mother has been and still is a drug addict...we know where she is and drive by her house daily on our way to different destinations, and I always wonder if she is still into the druggie life and hope that someday the girls won't think that is what they should do. 

  smclarkLPC: I wouldn't reunite with a birthparent who is an addict - not while your kids are young/

  smclarkLPC: That is too risky.

  smclarkLPC: You can still share information about her, but I wouldn't involve her in your daughter's lives if she isn't clean.

  pop-c: we definitely won't be doing that while they are young...only when they are old enough and express interest in meeting her 

  stephen: One of the birth parents is now married. Do you have any experiences with birth mothers who have had difficulty with spouses accepting a gradually opening adoption?

  smclarkLPC: Oh yes.

  smclarkLPC: Many birth mother who we searched/contacted at the Registry had never told a sole

  smclarkLPC: They wanted the reunion, but were too afraid to tell their spouses and other children.

  smclarkLPC: And, some would tell us that they never had told, but wanted to the reunion so badly they were going to take the plunge and tell

  smclarkLPC: Typically, it caused an upheaval in the birth family, but usually resulted in acceptance

  smclarkLPC: Change is hard for people - as I'm sure you see when you deal with these issues.

  pop-c: we have been advised that the girls will see her for what she is and know who their real parents are and there won't be any reason to be attracted to her except for the fact that she did give birth to them and, inn her way, as all parents do, she loves them. She did not give them up willingly...the babies came to our house straight from the hospital. The mother could not get her act together and her parental rights were terminated.  

  smclarkLPC: Yes. That's true.

  smclarkLPC: In fact, many times, if an adopted person is prevented from meeting/knowing about birth family they are more likely to repeat birth family behaviours in an uncounscious way of connection to birthfamily

  smclarkLPC: You all sound like very informed adoptive parents.

  smclarkLPC: It's nice to see.

  smclarkLPC: I was adopted in 1971. Things were much different then.

  smclarkLPC: When I decided to reunite w/ my birthfamily I took my mother to a therapist to tell her. :)

  AGresham: We have Ms. Clark for a few more minutes. Are there more questions from parents? ?

  stephen: Where we are right now, one of our children has a very open adoption and the other doesn't and wonders why she doesn't have the same kind of relationship. Do you have any experiences helping families like this or suggestions?

  smclarkLPC: Yes. And, actually, I have a counseling practice the deals only with adoption reunion issues.

  smclarkLPC: Where are you located?

  stephen: in the Marietta area

  smclarkLPC: My practice is in Roswell.

  stephen: thank you for the information

  smclarkLPC: Since we're almost out of time, you're welcome to email me

  smclarkLPC: Embrace.Adoption@yahoo.com

  stephen: thank you

  pop-c: any advice for the parents of transracial adoptions as far as explaining different skin color? ?

  smclarkLPC: Explaining to the child or to others outside the family?

  pop-c: explaining to the child 

  smclarkLPC: Actually, there's no explaining necessary - just be honest. You're very comfortable with your role as your child's parent. Telling people that your child is adopted internationally is just part of who your child is.

  smclarkLPC: And, as far as the child is concerned, Honesty is the best policy.

  smclarkLPC: Just keep everything age appropriate. Add to the adoption story as your child ages

  pop-c: our twins are African-American, and we are white which causes many questions, mainly from others who are curious.  

  AGresham: Is there ONE FINAL QUESTION for the evening? ?

  smclarkLPC: and, I imagine you deal with a lot of stares from people in public.

  smclarkLPC: Just remain confident in your role as the parent, and address these issues with your children. Don't act like the stares/looks don't happen - because your children will see it, or do see it depending on their age.

  smclarkLPC: Keep it part of your mainstream, family conversation

  pop-c: we do, but we are proud of our "rainbow family" and believe our children handle it quite well...we also have a Vietnamese/Mexican mixed teen girl...we are very open with the girls and others, too 

  smclarkLPC: Great!!!

  AGresham: It looks like we are just about out of time 

  Richard: Thank you for the information and your time, 

  smclarkLPC: This has been a pleasure.

  AGresham: I would like to thank everyone for their participation tonight! 

  smclarkLPC: Thank you for having me.

  stephen: Thanks. Bye.

  AGresham: I would especially like to thank Ms. Clark for taking the time to chat with us. 

  pop-c: - has left the chat -

  cindy: thank you Ms. Clark you were very insightful,